At this point, I don't want to talk too much about the Murray trial. I have spent the last three days, after coming home from work, watching the trial and it is heartbreaking. I could have never believed or imagined the hell Michael was in, but that scene Alvarez described was hell. Michael on the bed, hooked up to a catheter, eyes and mouth open, I.V. in his arm, and Murray trying to make his heart beat in an ineffective CPR technique that medical school never taught him.

My father was an alcoholic, driven to it by a very painful, truly unbearable childhood. I have always understood why, as a very sensitive man, he needed to drown out reality. My father died as a result of his addiction. So I always understood and accepted why Michael became addicted to prescription drugs. However, I didn't know just how stupified he would become (as in Dr. Murray's iPhone recording) or how badly his demerol withdrawals must have been, for him to have needed anesthesia just to go to sleep.

I have always tried to understand, as best I can, how it must have felt to be Michael. The entire human population judged him, thought he was a freak, and many even thought he was a child molester. There wasn't a person he could meet who he didn't have to wonder what their opinion of him was. He felt betrayed by his own country and lived through a trial in 2005 that crushed his soul. He hadn't had any degree of privacy since he was 11 years old, and his childhood consisted of schoolnights spent in smokey bars performing with his brothers. Add to all this arguably the worst pain in his life: he felt his father didn't love him. He felt his father was to be greatly feared. He felt the sting of his father's belt on his side.

Michael was very, very sensitive and emotional, and just like my father, his childhood left everlasting scars.

If you want to explore Michael's mind and mental state a little more, you might want to visit this site and think about buying this book when it is available. Something to think about.
http://www.maninthemirrorbook.com/
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I don't have to wonder why, as a child, I feared and hated the thought of Michael turning one year older. He didn't have many birthdays left.
On the day, I wanted to keep the sad thoughts at bay, so I will acknowledge the event now, and remember him as a young, vibrant, smiling Michael.

I love you, Michael.
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According to this Irish doctor, Michael wasn't always on the search for drugs.
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This is a 6-video series on youtube... please watch all of it! If you enjoy it, please read Aphrodite's book, The Michael Jackson Conspiracy. She covered the 2005 trial, and tries to clearly make readers understand the dynamics of that case.  She spent the entire trial assuming Michael was guilty, and when she finally started to think about the facts, she realized she had been very, very wrong. I wish everyone who judged would look at the facts first. It is only fair.
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I posted a rather fair story Diane ran in the early years of her obsessive reporting regarding Michael. Here is the gritty truth of the matter.
Let me start with an article that shows how her unethical, untrue "facts" were supported, and how the District Attorney who also was out to get Michael stepped in to save her. She should have never been allowed to report on him again, as it was obvious she would lie.
http://articles.nydailynews.com/2005-03-16/gossip/18287023_1_diane-dimond-tom-sneddon-court-tv

Here is a very pro-Michael biased blog post!
http://mjjjusticeproject.wordpress.com/2011/01/31/dd-hate-speech/
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The Huffington Post is progressive, so you will find things there that the mainstream wouldn't utter. Here is an example. The media contorted the truth of the 2005 trial to try to condemn Michael in the eyes of the public. Even without a guilty verdict, they managed to make Michael guilty by popular belief. They even wanted him to go to jail so they could make tons from daily jail reports... makes me want to literally spit on them. Right on their faces. Please click on the link below:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/charles-thomson/one-of-the-most-shameful_b_610258.html
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Diane Dimond had been after Michael right up to his death. She was out to get him, and was notorious for unfair and false reporting. Here is a video which truly surprised me. However, I am guessing the story ran because her producers didn't want to waste a trip to Canada. This link takes you to an article that explains why she went to talk to this kid. She wanted to find some other "victims" and would do anything to do it.
http://site2.mjeol.com/mjeol-bullet/diane-dimond-s-suspicious-involvement-bullet-54.html
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I remember it well. I can feel the moment when it was official: he was gone forever. It felt just like when my father died, in a way... the world had changed. Nothing was the same. It would never be the same again. Life would go on, but there would always be someone missing.
I posted the picture of Michael with the horse because my greatest dream would be to ride horses with Michael. Two years ago, my dream died when Michael left, and regret for never going to see a concert or camping outside his house (since he regularly came out to talk to fans) was overwhelming. Now I'm used to the fact that I will live my whole life without ever being near this man who I love so much. It always hurt, to know he was a few thousand miles away and I was in Nova Scotia. Now, he exists somewhere I have yet to go, and I just hope that whatever form he remains in is peaceful and good.
I don't want to cry today. I still cry when I think about him not being here, but on this special day, for his sake, I just want to remember the essence of his spirit and the beauty inside of that wonderful soul.
I have grown so tired of thinking about his fame, his persona (largely constructed by him - don't buy that all of the eccentricities were truly just Michael being Michael), the hype, the media coverage, the swarms of people congesting every passage he walked through. I always wished he would have just been another person, still Michael, but not the superstar. No fame. If I could have met him, then we might have been friends, and I would have been so happy to have him in my life. But I knew that the people around him and the world of fame would have been a horror show, and his own behaviour would have been very difficult to accept. He did, after all, do whatever he wished, even to the point of causing great harm to himself. See, I'm realisitic about Michael. I wanted the human being, with flaws and without magic, to be my friend. Because when I was eleven, I didn't know about all the fame. I just knew that the guy sitting in his own living room on the Oprah interview was a special, gentle, kind soul and I felt as if I had always loved him. I just hadn't known it, because I hadn't seen him yet... I only saw the persona and the celebrity. But over the years, I have found countless, and I mean countless, things we share in common. I saw a person who was like me, basically. I fit into society really well, but inside, I am so much like him. I wear a cloak that hides my artisitic, idealistic, fantasy-loving eccentricities. I am kind and gentle to the point where others take advantage of me, but I learned long ago not to let people get close enough to hurt me anymore. We are all damaged souls, but some of us are more sensitive than others.
I wish others could see the beauty in him that I see. I know he was far from perfect, but his heart was in the right place. Sure, he was a cunning businessman, and he lied on occasion for his career but I know that his career (and being the best at what he did) validated him in his own eyes, given the childhood he had experienced. I totally understand and accept why he would do anything for his fame and success.
I think the essence of Michael is the goodness in his heart. A rare goodness. The kind that made him cry in the privacy of his own home after seeing the misfortunes of others (according to his father, not generous enough to make up good stories about his son). The kind of goodness that made him open up his own home to thousands of children over the years, and pay medical bills for ailing children. I could go on and on, but I won't. I'll spare you, you've heard it before.
I know he was not "with it" all the time. It is no wonder he medicated himself - he was under pressure and criticism that almost no one else will ever experience. A lot of fans don't want others to believe he abused meds, but he admitted to it in the past, and died from it.
Do you know what makes this whole heartbreaking truth easier to bare? Michael lived his last 12 years on this Earth as a father. He had his own little family full of love. I try not to remember that he lost out on seeing them grow and mature, and that they lost their daddy so young.
Tonight, I am going to try to keep this ball in my throat from spreading down my cheeks and I am going to remember his smile, laughter, and heart. I love you, Michael. I will always dream of meeting you, of riding horses with you, and loving you through all of the highs and lows, never leaving your side.
Anyway, here is a timeline of events that have happened over the past two years. Sad, how much garbage gets spread all over headlines.
http://www.tmz.com/2011/06/25/michael-jackson-death-anniversary-timeline-page/
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I think this Wikipedia article is worth looking at, if merely to click on links at the bottom of the page. Tons of sources for info regarding the 1993 case are available. It will make you sick to know that the media has not reported the truth - the truth that would have set Michael free a long time ago from the horrible humiliation and the loss of his dignity.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1993_child_sexual_abuse_accusations_against_Michael_Jackson

I am not a fan who abhors those who trash talk him about the molestation accusations. I put myself in their shoes. If there was an eccentric celebrity who I just didn't "get," and he was accused twice, sure I would be turned off by him. And I probably would be mad that legions of adoring fans refused to let the accusations taint their love. But these people just haven't taken the time to research, and if they did, they wouldn't like to have to change their opinion. That's why they don't do it! It is a sad fact for Michael. I wish the media was decent, but why would they be when trashing his reputation means hour upon hour of titillating Michael bashing that pulls in viewers and makes them money. Money is the root of evil... I will always believe this whole-heartedly.
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I just was searching, wasting time before I leave the house, and I found this truly strange forum thread. I thought I'd post it. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea: I post lots of "out there" ideas, but most of them are not anything I believe in. This thread is something I do not believe in. I just find the "out there" stuff so  much more interesting than the ho-hum, everyday, expected stuff!
This one has to do with a murder conspiracy and just about every single person associated with Michael is blamed to have something to do with his death! That right there tells you there is no truth here. But enjoy for the pure extremist quality of it!
http://michaeljackson.ae/showthread.php?74-The-Illuminati-(NWO)-Killed-Michael-Jackson
Update: I have read a lot more from this thread. I think some of the things claimed may have some merit.  There are literally hundreds of pasts spanning over a year and a half - so lots of things are said.
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